EVERY single man on a stag night is claiming to be ready to keep partying into the early hours while secretly desperate to go to bed. 

The 12-man party, in Amsterdam to celebrate Wayne ‘The Legend’ Edwin’s, not hos real name, upcoming nuptials, are all surreptitiously checking watches, drinking water and texting girlfriends while pretending they can keep going for hours yet.

Kulvinder, not his real name, said: “What time do the bars close around here? Not that it matters, because we’ll make them stay open because we’re mental lads on tour.

“It’s just, you know, the time difference and the jet lag and all that. Another few pints and I’ll be roaring back.”

Edwin agreed: “We’re seeing the dawn in, mate. Tearing this town up. Strip club next. Though in fairness the strippers are probably pretty rough this time of night so maybe we go around 11am tomorrow, when they’re nice and perky.”

Best man Neil, not his real name,  said: “I think the weed’s making me sleepy. And the beer’s different. And we’ve been drinking since 10am and it’s half-one now and I was up all night last night with the baby.

“How about we carry this on in the hotel bar, eh lads? And then alone in our rooms? That’s real debauchery.”