EMPLOYERS have confirmed they only consider giving the top roles to candidates with top grades in their religious studies GCSEs.  

A survey of more than a 1,000 hiring managers at blue-chip companies has revealed that previous experience, interview performance and relevant qualifications are as nothing compared to top grades in religious studies and a Silver Duke of Edinburgh Award. 

Manager Donna, not her real name, said: “I’m currently looking for a head of IT operations, earning six figures. I don’t even look at the rest of the CV. It’s all about the RE. 

“If you can’t memorise all the books in the Old Testament aged 15, why would I even considering hiring you? All that ‘ran a 400-person department’ stuff is chaff in the wind. 

“It’s the same across all fields and all industries. Whether you’ve got a six-year record of success in a similiar role or a Phd doesn’t matter to us. Were you in the sixth-form debating society? Did you play a leading role in the school production of The Crucible?  

“That most accurately reflects what kind of employee you’re going to be. I don’t care if you’re 49 years old and have done incredible things since, if you weren’t on the school recycling council don’t waste my time. 

“Anyway, this candidate got an A* in RE so I skipped the interview and just offered him a contract with no probation period. He starts on Monday.”