Fri. Sep 20th, 2024
Occasional Digest - a story for you

This is how Ella Walker, 25, from Bristol, feels. Walker tells GAY TIMES that for her, using a strap from an old relationship would make her feel strange and that she usually throws them out post-breakup. This is partly because Walker chooses straps with partners. “I think buying a strap with your partner and having those experiences together can be a really fulfilling experience for both of you,” she says. 

Walker equally split the communal sex toys with her partner when they broke up. She describes this as “kinda sad” because in doing so, they both realised that they “had big horny dreams and a lot of them never happened.” But, she still holds onto toys with good memories attached to them.

For *Laura, 26, (who has asked to remain anonymous), straps and sex toys, generally, are tools of pleasure and power – rather than something they associate with particular relationships or partners. “My strap is just as much for me as it is for other people to be honest,” they say. “It’s about feeling powerful and dominant.”

There’s also the cost element. “Throwing out sex toys seems wasteful too,” Laura continues, “If I paid for it, or my ex doesn’t want it, then why would I throw it out? Straps are expensive.”

Laura explains that, for them, there’s no emotion for another person attached to their strap or dildos — rather, they’re a way for them to express their interest in BDSM power exchanges and the gender fluidity in their identity. 

Bima Loxely, a sex and relationship therapist, explains that for other gender non-conforming people, straps can be a gender-euphoric experience which extends to “the look, the feel, the texture and power play” of the strap in question.

The truth is, straps have been around since time immemorial literally. The first historical documentation of a strap-on was during the Upper Palaeolithic period, (a.k.a the Stone Age), about 30,000 years ago. And, in sapphic relationships, they’ve long signified power exchanges, pleasure and, sometimes but not always, masculine energy. 

However, if you are looking to keep your strap-on collection intact from partner to partner, hygiene and toy care are a must. Each material will have its own cleaning requirements, depending on whether they’re porous or not.

Whatever straps, vibes and dildos mean to you and the relationships you have, the takeaway, for me at least, is that there’s no shame in shedding a tear or two over splitting up the sex toy collection, keeping the toys that have meaning or purpose or binning it all completely to start afresh. 

So you do you just keep it clean. 

* Name has been changed.

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