A FAN of true crime podcasts has yet to decide on what is definitively the best way for her to dispose of human remains.

Ellie Shaw, who listens to stories about serial killers on a daily basis, knows exactly how she would carry out the murder, but is stuck on the crucial point of how she would then conceal it from the authorities.

Shaw cheerfully explained: “I’d kill him – and this is all hypothetical, of course – with antifreeze. That’s a no-brainer.

“It’s odourless so it would be dead easy to sneak into his drink. Women tend to favour non-violent means and I’m no different. Sorry if that makes me a bit of a basic bitch!

“I suppose my best options would be to either dissolve him in an acid bath or bury him under the patio. But I don’t have a garden, and even dissolving isn’t perfect. The Acid Bath Murderer John Haigh got caught, didn’t he? But not for a while, I think that’s why he’s one of my favourites.”

Shaw stressed that she has no history of violent offending and has never even received a parking ticket.

She said: “I’m a bit of a Goody Two-Shoes, to be honest. I’d hate to get in trouble, so that’s why it’s so important I get the disposal part of the whole process right. Fingers crossed it happens at sea and I can just lob his body overboard.”

Shaw’s husband Steve said: “I’m not overly concerned about Ellie’s indecision on this point. I reckon the longer she spends to-ing and fro-ing about it, the longer I’ve got left.”