A COUPLE are having a second child because they are already bored rigid of having to play with their first one, they have confirmed.  

Stephen and Donna, not their real names, have decided to subject themselves to the short-term ordeal of a second baby in the hope it will pay off two years down the line by keeping their existing son busy. 

Donna said: “It’s high-risk, but we’ve got to take the gamble. A single afternoon pretending clothes pegs could talk and were a family established that. 

“We’re investing the time and the money to raise what at this point we’re terming ‘Child 2.0’ because we believe it will occupy our existing asset. The theory is once the second one is old enough the first one will take to it and the rearing process becomes self-sustaining. 

“That in turn frees myself and Steve up for our preferred leisure activities, binging Married At First Sight Australia and watching strangers bet big money on blackjack hands on Instagram, respectively. So there is a pay-off.” 

Stephen agreed: “The next two to three years will be a f**king nightmare, but by late 2026 we’ll have a ready-made playmate for the child we already have and she’ll have someone to take part in eleborate reconstructions of scenes from Bluey. 

“Do we regret having even one child? God no. Have you seen the cost of end-of-life care? With these two, we’re defraying those expenses against a promise of an inheritance which may never happen. It’s good-sense financial planning.”