A FRIEND you previously found irritating and inattentive has been gifted the perfect get-out clause in the form of an ADHD diagnosis. 

Mark, not his real name, from Chang Mai is happy to report that he has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, meaning you are no longer permitted to find his lack of concentration and constant talking annoying lest you look like a monster. 

He said: “It’s all there in black and white like a medically-certified ‘get out of jail free’ card. So stop your bitching. 

“Now whenever I make impulsive decisions or get hyper-focused on something on my phone, you have to swallow your rage and smile. What’s the alternative, rolling your eyes at a neurodiverse person just trying to get by? That’s a bad look, bro. 

“Yesterday you thought I was overbearing and obnoxious, but now you know I’m unable to pick up on social cues and that you’ve been an ableist scumbag all this time. If anything I should be the one shitcanning you from my contacts. 

“Anyway, I look forward to you U-turning on every negative thing you’ve ever thought or said about me. So what if my personality is actually somewhat unpleasant? Good luck trying to explain that to anyone without coming across like a prick. 

“Honestly, I wish I’d gone on the internet and diagnosed myself years ago.”