A picture of male loneliness in Australia is starting to emerge — and experts are saying it’s much more widespread and complicated than once thought.
A recent survey conducted by men’s health organisation Healthy Male found that 43 per cent of Australian men were lonely, with 16 per cent experiencing high levels of loneliness.
And the loneliest age group is probably not the one you’d expect, says Healthy Male CEO and director Simon von Saldern.
“The urban mythology tells us that it’s older blokes that are the loneliest, when in fact … it was men aged 35 to 49 that had the highest levels of loneliness,” Mr von Saldern tells ABC RN’s Saturday Extra.
The survey, which used a nationally representative sample of 1,282 Australian men aged over 18, is part of the limited local research on this topic.
It reveals that middle-aged men are about three times more likely to feel high-level loneliness than men aged over 65.
What’s behind these findings — and what can be done about it?
‘Disconnection, isolation and a lack of belonging’
First up, let’s define what loneliness is — and is not.
“Loneliness doesn’t imply that someone doesn’t necessarily have any friends,” says Zac Seidler, a clinical psychologist and director of mental health training at Movember.
“Rather, it’s that they don’t feel connected with those friends … It’s about the quality of relationships,” he says.
“[Loneliness] is feelings of disconnection, isolation and a lack of belonging … [These] should never be underestimated when we’re talking about men’s health and wellbeing.”
The Healthy Male website warns that “the health impact of loneliness is confronting”, citing negative effects on physical health, like heart disease and stroke, and mental health, like stress, depression and anxiety.
Dr Seidler says the physical and mental health ramifications of loneliness in men contribute to one “seriously concerning statistic”.
“We lose seven men a day, every day, on average, to suicide in this country,” he says.
The pressures that ‘hit hard’ in middle age
According to Mr von Saldern, while it’s unclear exactly why the middle-aged group of men is the loneliest, there are several factors that could be relevant.
“We do know in the ages of 35 to 49, that’s where separations and divorce happen. It’s where work pressures happen. There’s a range of life occurrences that really hit hard in that age group,” he says.
Dr Seidler says another big reason could be that men “lose the priority of social connection and friendship” as they progress through adulthood.
“While women maintain their friendships over time, what we see is a drop off [in quality friendships] once men leave high school, leave university, get into the workplace [or] become fathers,” he says.
“For some reason, men are socialised to start to pay attention to other things. And so they lose track of their friendships — they deprioritise them — and that really does have pretty serious ramifications.”
Better connections in middle age
For all genders, making friends in middle age can be tough, but Dr Seidler says this is particularly the case for men.
“There are a lot of socialised barriers that guys are holding on to for dear life,” he says.
“[But] I always suggest, whether it’s clinically or through my research: you are underestimating the power of friendship to literally save your life in many circumstances.”
A variety of groups targeting younger men are popping up around Australia, from Dads Group to the Tough Guy Book Club (which operates by the rules “No work talk. No d**k heads”).
But Dr Seidler says a big portion of men’s groups are still for older age brackets.
“[So] instead, the younger men are congregating online,” he says.
“While we don’t want to suggest that things like online spaces aren’t sufficient, we just need some adjunct face-to-face stuff to really bring them out.
“We’re social beings. That is literally what we are put on this earth to do — to connect with one another — and we need to make sure that that is front and centre in our day-to-day functioning.”
Both Dr Seidler and Mr von Saldern strongly advocate volunteering as a way for middle-aged men to improve social connections.
Mr von Saldern gives the example of volunteering at a local soccer club. Even if men know nothing about the sport, they can “stand at the barbie and talk to the guy next to them … It’s a great way to engage”.
“Small talk is great — small talk leads to bigger things,” he says.
As for connecting better with friends that men already have, Dr Seidler suggests “shoulder-to-shoulder” activities.
“The best example is, when I go for a drive with one of my mates, we’re sitting there, and we always have some of the most intense conversations,” he says.
“Rather than face-to-face, we’re both looking forward. You get rid of some of the awkwardness and discomfort.”
‘The next global public health emergency’
“We haven’t really paid attention to [loneliness] for a very long time,” Dr Seidler says.
But there are some signs that governments are starting to take loneliness more seriously.
Dr Seidler says we started to “scratch under the surface” of loneliness during the COVID-19 pandemic “when connection seemed to be such an imperative for society and community”.
And while Australia has stopped short of following countries like the UK and Japan, who have appointed ministers for loneliness, there are positive signs.
Federal MP Andrew Giles, the co-chair of the Parliamentary Friends of Ending Loneliness, recently called loneliness “the next global public health emergency we must address”.
Yet Dr Seidler says individually, each of us has a role to play as well.
“Don’t do that thing where we assume that everyone’s doing OK,” he says.
“I really urge [all people] to take this message to the men in their lives — to suggest to them that [addressing loneliness] should be a priority … We should never think of it as an afterthought.”
RN in your inbox
Get more stories that go beyond the news cycle with our weekly newsletter.