He’s only been out there a couple of days but is already speaking the language like a native.

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“Mrhbaan, ana Steve Gerrard, ana Al-Ettifaq, see you soon,” he cheerily declared in his best scouse accent.

And why wouldn’t he be smiling when it’s being suggested that he is about to become the highest-paid manager in football history?

Nine months after being binned by Aston Villa, the former Liverpool and England captain is laughing all the way to the bank.

And he’s not the only one filling his boots in the land of sun, sand and state-sponsored murder.

Cristiano Ronaldo and Karim Benzema are pocketing £170million-a-year tax-free while N’Golo Kante is scraping by on a mere £85m.

Kalidou Koulibaly, Edouard Mendy, Ruben Neves, Roberto Firmino and Marcelo  Brozovic are also getting a right riyal fortune. And others will certainly follow in the coming weeks.

Most of this has been made possible by the Saudi Public Investment Fund, which definitely, honestly has absolutely nothing to do with Sheikh Mohammed Bin Salman.

The fund, which also owns Newcastle, has just acquired a majority stake in Saudi’s top four clubs and is bankrolling the biggest spending spree this side of Todd Boehly.

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No concerns about multiple ownership or conflicts of interest there, then.

And how fortunate that the Saudis, who are also shareholders in Boehly’s Clearlake company, have started splashing the cash just when Chelsea launched a fire sale to avoid falling foul of Financial Fair Play rules.

Not that they are the only club hoping to use the Saudis as a clearing bank to offload all their unwanted players.

It is all very reminiscent of China’s ill-fated attempts to become a major football nation ten years ago.

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The big difference is that the Chinese clubs were owned by big corporations who didn’t have the money to maintain the ridiculous level of wages they had promised to the likes of Carlos Tevez, Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka.

But the Saudi Pro League is effectively state-owned and they are not going to run out of petrodollars any time soon.

The great sports washers have already bought up golf, boxing and Formula One.

And they are now eyeing a move into the genteel world of tennis.

But it’s football that captures the attention of the whole world and it goes without saying that Fifa president Gianni Infantino is a huge champion of taking the game to the Gulf.

Manchester City have already been told they will be heading to Jeddah in December for the Club World Cup and don’t be surprised if Saudi also gets to host the 2030 World Cup.

Because when money is absolutely no object, nothing is off the table.

Nor place like home

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CAMERON NORRIE versus Chris Eubanks sounds like a bit of a Wimbledon mismatch but that extra ‘s’ should make all the difference for Britain’s top tennis player today.

I say Britain, but Norrie was born in South Africa, grew up in New Zealand, went to university in America and now lives in Monaco.

This probably explains why the SW19 crowds have never taken to him in the way they idolise the ground that Andy Murray walks on.

Like the now-retired Johanna Konta, whose Aussie upbringing and complete lack of personality always counted against her at

Wimbledon, Norrie faces an uphill battle to convince the public that he is ‘one of our own’.

Mind you, even Murray was regularly dismissed as a Scottish loser until he actually lifted the singles trophy.

Rainbow warriors

THERE has been a lot said and written about the ‘spirit of cricket’ in recent days but maybe it’s time to stop holding the sport up as the bastion of fair play.

An independent investigation has just reported that the game in this country suffers deep-rooted racism, sexism, elitism and class-based discrimination.

The game’s own governing body has recommended a £500,000 fine and 72-point deduction for Yorkshire, who are currently hosting the Third Ashes Test at Headingley.

And just the other day we saw the upper-crust members of the Lord’s Long Room losing their collective s**t because they were too p***ed to understand the rules of the game.

To top it all, we’ve now got Rishi Sunak, head of the nastiest and most duplicitous government in living memory, delivering lectures on Aussie morals and behaviour.

But, hey, they’ve got rainbow stripes on the stumps. So that makes everything OK.

Al’s big bash

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MOVE over Jack Grealish, there’s a new party king in town.

Manchester United winger Alejandro Garnacho celebrated his 19th birthday this week with a couple of dwarfs dressed as Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.

Why? God knows.

But the Argentinian winger obviously had fun and the little fellas have both been given a contract by United boss Erik ten Hag.

So everyone’s a winner.

It’s all Ron

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GREAT news for people with more money than sense.

Cristiano Ronaldo has taken to social media to announce the launch of his NFT collection Forever CR7: The Goat.

For those of us (all of us) who don’t know what NFT means,  it’s a non-fungible token and involves paying a lot of money for something that doesn’t exist in the real world.

It sounds like a really great investment to me — and a  wonderful opportunity to help poor old Ronny as he approaches retirement.

He’s down to his last billion and those sunbeds aren’t going to pay for themselves.

No Mour Jose

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JOSE MOURINHO quit the Uefa football board to protest his four-match Euro ban for abusing ref Anthony Taylor at the Europa League final.

Which does beg the question as to why the poisonous Portugeezer was ever invited on to the panel in the first place?

Because asking Jose for his advice on improving football is like asking King Herod for child-minding tips.

Sergi-no

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SERGIO GARCIA is set to miss his first Open in 25 years after the Spaniard failed to qualify for this month’s Championship.

‘El Nino’ didn’t have enough ranking points after defecting to LIV Golf last year and will now be conspicuous by his absence at Hoylake.

Oh well, never mind.

Cycling devil

MONGOLIAN Ochirvaani Batbold is such a big fan of Manchester United that he’s set off on a 7,000-mile cycle ride from Ulaanbaatar to Old Trafford.

And that sure beats the problems facing most United fans on their travels up from Surrey.