Jon Stewart slashed his hand on Monday during a bit after smashing a prop mug in frustration with government inefficiencies.
The veteran “Daily Show” host, who began leading the program again on Mondays early last year, set up a makeshift Department of Government Efficiency office on his iconic news desk this week to try to figure out where “the waste, fraud and abuse in our system really is.”
In a tweet promoting the episode, Stewart wrote that “it’s a bloody good episode…emphasis on bloody…I’m an idiot…”
The Emmy-winning comic spent much of his 21-minute monologue working up to his DOGE office bit. With his signature biting political commentary, Stewart told “Daily Show” viewers that he is “DOGE-curious” and that he wants it to work to “excise redundancies in the system” and find better ways “to deliver government assistance that Americans rely on.” That is, without haphazardly slashing the federal workforce or demonizing civil servants, who he said “are only carrying out Congress’ wishes.”
By the time he arrived at this conclusion, he decided to “noodle” with government spending himself. He whipped out his “wannabe accountant starter kit” that included a green visor and desk lamp, printing calculator and mug that said “World’s Most Dad” — a jab at the head of DOGE, Elon Musk, whom he described as “the Nick Cannon of white people.”
He critiqued the Donald Trump-established agency’s “straight amputation” of the federal workforce and noted that Musk’s “chainsaw for bureaucracy” wasn’t finding the real waste in the system. Admitting that he too wants the controversial program to work, he lamented that we’re experiencing “stark emotional whiplash” from looking for inefficiencies in the wrong places.
“So we’re looking to save taxpayers some money. How about we just take $3 billion in subsidies we give to oil and gas companies that already turn billions in profits? How long did that take [to figure out]?” Stewart said, waving his hands erratically and delivering his findings with his brand of strained urgency. “Oh, wait. How about we just close the carried interest loophole on hedge funds? That’s $1.3 billion a year. Oh, how about we stop the $2 trillion we give to defense contractors to build a fighter jet that blows when everybody knows the next war is going to be fought with drones and blockchain, whatever that is.
“Holy, s—! I can’t believe it! I just saved us billions of dollars in 11 seconds,” he said, adding, “This is where the real money is. The money our free market-ish system uses to prop up corporate profit at the expense of the taxpayer. “
Stewart then launched into a tirade about pharmaceutical companies getting tax breaks, research grants and patent extensions that he said are worth billions of dollars, only to make Americans have “the highest drug prices in the Western Hemisphere” and be “numb to it.” He took aim at the Biden administration too, for “touting cracks in that exploitation as victory.”
After he played clips of Biden once celebrating how Medicare negotiated the prices of 10 drugs that Stewart said “we already paid for with our subsidies,” the host smashed the “World’s Most Dad” mug onto the desk in frustration.
“I’ll be going to the hospital soon,” Stewart said upon realizing he was bleeding. He then hid his right hand behind his desk and continued his monologue for four more minutes while the shattered remains of the mug remained on the desk. A few moments later, he pulled his hand out to show that it was bloody and shabbily wrapped, declaring “it’s fine” with a laugh. He then continued with his talking points. (Representatives for “The Daily Show” did not immediately respond Tuesday to The Times’ request for comment.)
“We live in the Upside Down. And don’t blame the corporations. They are profit-seeking psychopaths that need the lowest wages and the cheapest raw materials to drive their highest profits. But why do we, the taxpayers, subsidize their psychopathy? That’s the waste, fraud and abuse in our system. That’s it. That’s what we should be going after,” he said.
Taking a bit of the edge out of his delivery, Stewart added: “Capitalism is, by definition, exploitative. That’s how it operates. That’s fine. But then government’s role should be to ease the negative effects on Americans of that exploitation, not subsidize that treachery with our money. We’re getting f—ed at a Diddy party and they’re making us buy the baby oil.”
“I want DOGE to work. I want better efficiency. I want to get rid of the alphabet agencies that don’t do enough. Make the Pentagon pass an audit. But we are DOGE-ing in the wrong place if we want to really change the system. … we are subsidizing the system that makes workers’ lives harder in the first place, all in the name of freedom and liberty. But the greatest restriction on freedom in this country isn’t DEI and pronoun pressure, it’s f—ing poverty and struggle. And the government’s role should be to end the corruption that enables that exploitation. That’s what the Democrats should be doing every f—ing day. Every day.”