A HOMEWORKER ordered back to the office is spending long lazy days doing nothing to prove her point. 

Procurement manager Karen, not her real name, who had spent three days a week working from home until recently, is turning up on time every day wearing smart, ironed clothing and spending eight hours sitting in front of a computer accomplishing not a single thing.

She said: “Is this what you want? Given I’ve been doing it for a month, apparently yes.

“I turn up to meetings rather than being on Teams, admittedly, but I still make no contribution whatsoever. Nobody’s noticed because that’s meetings, that’s what they’re for, wasting lives.

“But three days a week – those days when I used to be at home, hammering away on a laptop, occasionally taking five minutes to put a wash on – I’m here and chatting to colleagues, making tea, emailing friends and doing anything but working.

“Christ the days drag, but it’s worth it to prove they’re better off with a productive homeworker than a shiftless waste of space in the office. And they’ll realise any day now. They have to.”

Boss Helen, not her real name, said: “Ordering everyone back into the office has been a total success. The CEO likes me and is giving me a bonus.”