A MAN is under the strange impression that neutering his dog will have a direct and irreversible effect on his own manhood. 

Anthony and wide Jessica, not their real names, acquired a puppy last year, but she admits being unaware that its genitalia would become psychologically linked with his own.

Ant said: “A woman would never understand – but how could I do that to another bloke? It’s all we have.

“What would other men think about me if they see me walking around with a eunuch on a lead? I’d be rightly ostracised by for failing to protect my own dog’s manhood.

“Personally, no matter how much damage it causes, I believe every male deserves to keep its bollocks, whether dog, ferret or woodlouse. And I’m uncomfortable with the precedent. If we get rid of the dog’s balls, then whose balls are next?”

Jes said: “I’m not waging a war on masculinity. I’m trying to stop a Golden Retriever bolting into traffic because he’s detected a bitch on heat a mile away.

“I have no plans to cut off Ant’s balls. Instead, as we grow into the full flowering of our relationship, I shall blithely ignore them.”