GRABBING a drink at the bar Agustina Barela toasts her friend to a girly night out in her native Philippines.
But moments later Augustina spies a group of men siddling up to them, trying to chat them up.
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“They were drunk and annoying – and thankfully didn’t stick around long,” Augustina remembers.
“Later that night, I nipped to the ladies. When I was finished, I came out of the toilets to find one of the group of men waiting for me.
“He immediately stood out as different from the others. He looked kind – and sober.
“He apologised for his friends’ behaviour and asked me for my number.”
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The stranger introduced himself as Catalin and charmed by his gentlemanly approach, Augustina agreed to hand over her digits.
“Catalin called soon after and we arranged to meet at a nearby shopping mall,” she says.
“I learned that he was from Romania and in the Philippines to work at the shipyard.
“He was friendly and gentle and nothing like the boozy bunch he’d been with in the bar that night.”
As the couple said their goodbyes at the end of the date, Catalin leaned in to give Augustina a kiss on the cheek – but she pulled away.
“I explained that it was too much to kiss me in public like that and that in my culture we end dates with a hand shake,” she explains.
“He apologised and told me that kissing on the cheek was a traditional greeting where he came from.”
She let it go but when they went out on their next date, she insisted her family accompany her as a chaperone.
“I could tell Catalin was surprised but he wasn’t deterred,” Augustina says.
“He was willing to do whatever made me comfortable.
“Then 35, Catalin was 17 years older than me. It was a big age gap but as we walked along the beach, chatting easily, I could tell instantly he was a good person.
“Afterwards I told my parents, who had been following behind, that I liked him.”
From then on the pair began texting each other regularly and within three months they were an official couple.
“To me, age was just a number, it was Catalin’s heart that mattered,” she says.
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“So when he told me he had two weeks off work to fly back to Romania to see his family, I wasn’t worried.”
Promising to call everyday, Augustina expected to hear from Catalin the moment that he landed, but hours soon turned into days and she hadn’t heard a peep.
“I told myself it was a long journey, that he probably had jet lag and was getting settled,” she says.
“But as the days went on and there was still radio silence from Catalin, I was upset.
“As far as I was concerned, Catalin and I were in a committed relationship but maybe he wasn’t serious about us.”
It was two weeks later that Augustina finally heard from Catalin, calling to let her know that he was back home.
“Catalin told me he’d been so busy on his trip he didn’t have a chance to call,” she says.
“It seemed strange but I was young and naive, and already smitten with Catalin.
“I was so happy to have him home, I didn’t argue.”
They’d been together for five years and were engaged before I met him
Augustina Barela
Five months later, Catalin had took Augustina out to dinner at a local restaurant when she asked to borrow his laptop.
“I wanted to check something on my social media before our meals were served,” she says.
“Opening it up, I was about to click into the app when I was immediately distracted by the wedding photograph on his screen.”
The beautiful bride was beaming, standing next to her handsome groom…Catalin.
“I was barely able to take in what I was looking at,” she says.
“Catalin was speechless, so I just got up and left the restaurant.
“He tried to follow me, begging to let him explain, but he was a liar and a cheat and I told him I never wanted to see him again.
“I couldn’t face telling my family about our split after Catalin’s betrayal and I vowed to have nothing to do with him.”
But Catalin refused to give up on the relationship.
“He knew where I lived and worked and had asked my sister to put in a good word for him,” she says.
Two months later, Augustina relented and agreed to meet Catalin.
“I decided to hear him out when he wouldn’t stop pestering me,” she says.
“He explained that he’d met his bride at work in Romania and they had been set up on a date by friends.
“They’d been together for five years and were engaged before I met him.
“He told me while he didn’t love her he felt he had to go through with the wedding when he was back home.”
Catalin insisted it was Augustina that he loved, so she gave him the ultimatum, his wife or her.
“I loved Catalin but I didn’t want to be with him while he was married. And I told him as much, in no uncertain terms,” she says.
Signs your relationship is heading for a divorce
- Persistent Communication Breakdowns
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversation can signal deep-seated issues. - Emotional Distance
Feeling like roommates rather than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection. - Frequent Criticism and Contempt
Regularly criticising each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking, can erode the relationship’s foundation. - Unresolved Conflicts
Recurrent arguments about the same issues without any resolution can indicate deeper incompatibilities. - Loss of Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it’s been broken and cannot be rebuilt, it may be a sign that the relationship is in trouble. - Different Life Goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices, or family planning, can create insurmountable divides. - Avoidance
Preferring to spend time apart rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, can indicate a desire to escape the relationship. - Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported, whether emotionally, financially, or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment. - Financial Disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can strain the relationship. - Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. - Changes in Affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.
“He told me he would go back to Romania and tell his wife he wanted a divorce.”
True to his word, Catalin jetted back to Romania just weeks later.
“A sickening knot tightened in the pit of my stomach as I worried he’d reunite with his wife when they talked things out,” Augustina says.
But it wasn’t long before she discovered there was another reason for the queasy feeling in her stomach, she was pregnant.
“It was the worst possible timing,” she admits.
“I was pregnant, alone and Catalin was 10,000 miles away with his wife.
“I told him about the pregnancy but it wasn’t easy to get hold of him and when his family got wind of it, they called me, even offering me money to end the relationship.
“It was a difficult time but as I decided that whatever happened, I was going to keep the baby and raise our child alone.
“As time went by and my baby bump grew, I lost all hope that Catalin would ever come back. I’d resigned myself to being a single mum.”
But it was then that Augustina received an emotional phone call from Catalin.
It was like something out of a film and his divorce was finalised just before our son was born
Augustina Barela
“He told me he’d divorced his wife and sold their house, I was stunned,” she says.
“He told me he was in the Philippines at the airport and that he’d come back to me.
“I was overcome with happiness. But part of me didn’t believe him.”
But hours later Catalin was at her door, committing to a future with Augustina and her baby.
“It was like something out of a film and his divorce was finalised just before our son was born,” she says.
“We haven’t looked back since.”
Three years later, the couple married and moved to the UK, where they live with their son, now 10, and our five-year-old daughter.
“I’ll never forget the day I discovered Catalin went on holiday and came home with an unlikely souvenir, his wife,” Augustina says.
“But these days, when I open up his laptop, it’s our wedding photos that flash up on the screen.”
Catalin says: “Yep, yep. Yes, definitely yeah (the story as put to him is all accurate).”
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