REALLY works! Side effects include exhaustion, hunger, and not having everything you want but scientists confirm the weight will just fall off, within a year or so. 

Yes, this tried-and-tested miracle method of eating in moderation, abstaining from alcohol and exercising daily requires no special supplements, no injectables and isn’t used by A-list Hollywood stars. It takes forever!

Nutritionist Dr Pau, not his real name, said: “All you have to do is cut out anything you enjoy eating – or that anyone enjoys eating – and those extra pounds will melt away!

“The trick, and it’s a clever one, is to do it at the same time as pushing your body to the limits of physical endurance and beyond. It’s that easy. You just combine the two!

“As well as broadly looking the same and feeling guilty if you eat a single crisp, this trick will make your body ache 24/7 and cause your fragile joints to wear out even faster. And slack off for even a week and all your hard work’s undone.

“There’s no pills and no monthly subscription. You don’t have to fast or eat according to a weird schedule. All you need is unbreakable self-discipline and the ability to discard everything that once gave you pleasure. And even then your genetics might trip you up.”

Husband, Kevin, not his real name, said: “I tried this incredible trick that he goes on about, and I gave up! I’m having a pie for lunch.”