DEAR DEIDRE: ALL the signs point to my long-distance boyfriend cheating on me, but I don’t want to believe it.

I think he’s sleeping with his ex, but would he really travel four hours to see me if he wasn’t genuine?

I’m 24 and he’s 27. We were friends and started a relationship last year, shortly before he moved back to his home town across the country.

Since then we’ve met up every month or so – he always comes to mine, as he’s living with his parents until he gets sorted – and we’ve been on weekends away and holidays abroad. 

When we see each other, we spend most of our time drunk and in bed. 

The sex is great and I feel really close to him. He wants to take things slowly and ‘date’ each other, rather than committing to a serious relationship. 

He says that’s because he’s been hurt in the past. 

But I’m becoming increasingly suspicious about his relationship with his long-term ex-girlfriend – who lives in the same town. 

He says they aren’t in contact. However, they shared a cat – which she got custody of – and lately he has posted pictures of the cat on his social media. 

It looks like it’s in his parents’ house, where he is. I recognise the room from when we video chat. 

His ex is also still on the accounts of all his close family and friends. Last week, his name with a heart appeared on her instagram account. 

He asked her to remove it, saying it must have been there for years, and I should trust him.

But I know it wasn’t there a few weeks ago.

Am I being lied to and used? Or am I just being paranoid?
I’m finding it hard to concentrate and feel sick about this.

DEIDRE SAYS: Long-distance relationships are dependent on trust and strong foundations.

It doesn’t sound like you have either. Your boyfriend may be telling the truth about his ex, but even if he is, your instincts are telling you he can’t be trusted. 

And he won’t commit to you either.

You sound unhappy and anxious – which isn’t how a relationship should make you feel.

Ask him to be honest with you. But first, be honest with yourself. 

Perhaps a long-distance casual relationship is not right for you. Tell him what you do need and if he can’t deliver, ask yourself if this is the man for you.

My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help you to communicate.