A BOSS is hoping that his employee’s five year plan aligns with his own vision of an increased workload for decreased compensation.

Managing director Neil, not his real name, is working on his team’s personal development plans and would like to see them be realistic and embrace a future of doing the work of three people for the pay of one.

He said: “I’ve had enough dreamers through these doors with their ‘I’d like to be head of department’ when there’s no budget for that.

“So we’ll have no ‘ready to take on a leadership role’ or ‘develop skills that align with our corporate mission’. We need them to knuckle down and eat shit for the foreseeable.

“It would be music to my ears if Doris’s vision of the future was taking a pay cut, working through lunch every day, and picking up Ranju’s duties when she goes on maternity leave. That’s what I look for in an employee.

“If she’s ready to piss away the next half-decade in a dead-end job while ignoring the symptoms of burnout, I’m here for her. We’ll draw up a roadmap and hit those goals together. Failing that we’ll lose her in the restructure and hire a younger, cheaper drone.”

Doris 39, not her real name or age, said: “I’m drowning in work, hate my colleagues and I’m struggling to pay rent. But five years of job security? Where do I sign?”