LEE CARSLEY will conduct four rounds of media interviews in five days during the next week.
Before and after England’s Nations League matches against Greece in Athens and the Republic of Ireland at Wembley, we’re expected to ask the Three Lions interim manager some questions.
3
3
Yet, with genuine respect for an excellent coach and a decent man, there are only three questions I can think of.
These are: “Where are all the players you picked last week?”
“What are you still doing here?” and “Where’s the German bloke?”
The November international break, coming so soon after the September and October breaks, is the least wonderful time of the year for football fans.
It’s the time when we start sounding like dear old Brenda from Bristol being vox-popped by BBC News after the calling of a snap general election in 2017.
“You’re joking? Not ANOTHER one? Oh for God’s sake, honestly, I can’t stand this.”
But at least in most November international breaks, the actual England manager bothers to turn up.
Not so, Thomas Tuchel. And not so, a significant swathe of the England squad either — after the biggest mass withdrawal of players in history.
BEST FREE BET SIGN UP OFFERS FOR UK BOOKMAKERS
England will play 16 or 17 matches between now and the start of the World Cup, due to be staged either side of Donald Trump’s bloody great wall in 2026. So why would Tuchel pass up the opportunity to take charge of the first two of them?
When Tuchel was appointed last month, it felt extraordinary that he wasn’t going to start work until January and, now that this godforsaken hiatus in the domestic schedule is upon us, doubly so.
Tuchel has just 18 months to win a World Cup — which is his stated aim rather than more tub-thumping over-optimism from the likes of me.
Like a McDonald’s burger-flipper aiming for employee of the month, Tuchel says he will put ‘a second star on the shirt’.
So why the three-month delay?
The problem with Tuchel is not that he’s foreign — although that is a black mark for the FA’s National Football Centre and its coaching ‘pathway’.
It’s that he’s part-time. He’ll start by taking a few months off, then a bit of WFH and then pop over to take in a few matches, rent a little place over here, a couple of matches in March, then back to Germany to see the kids. Flexible working kind of thing.
Which is nice work if you can get it. Especially for £5million a year. But probably not the best way to win a World Cup.
Tuchel is a very good manager but the way the FA have bent over backwards to accommodate him suggests he is a bona- fide genius, rather than the first Bayern Munich manager in 12 years to fail to win the Bundesliga.
3
After the dedication of Gareth Southgate, we are back in the era of Fabio Capello, with the England job a convenient part of somebody’s work-life balance.
It is impossible to imagine as many as EIGHT England players pulling out through ‘injury’ had Tuchel been taking charge for the first time this week.
And isn’t the Nations League supposed to be meaningful? England must beat Greece by at least two goals and defeat Ireland if they are to be sure of winning automatic promotion back to the top tier and avoiding a play-off in March, when Tuchel will turn up.
And these results have an effect on world rankings and future seedings too.
Tuchel isn’t expected at either of this week’s matches but is presumably expected to tune in and watch, perhaps after the school run and before he does the ironing.
Meanwhile, Carsley is hung out to dry again, facing the media like he did last month, in scenes akin to a really s**t police interrogation in which the suspect had to pretend not to know that Tuchel had already been appointed and that he now can’t remember when he actually did find out.
So what is Carsley still doing here? And where’s the German bloke?
Southgate vs Tuchel records compared
THOMAS TUCHEL
Augsburg II 2007-2008
P34 W 20 D8 L6 Win percentage: 58.82%
Mainz 05 2009-2014
P184 W72 D46 L66 Win percentage: 39.13%
Borussia Dortmund 2015-2017
P107 W67 D23 L17 Win percentage: 62.62%
Honours: DFB Pokal
Paris Saint Germain 2018-2020
P127 W95 D13 L16 Win percentage: 74.8%
Honours: Ligue 1 X2, Coupe de France, Coupe de la Ligue, Trophee des Champions x2
Chelsea 2021-2022
P100 W60 D24 L16 Win percentage: 60%
Honours: Champions League, Super Cup, Club World Cup
Bayern Munich 2023-2024
P61 W37 D8 L16 Win percentage: 60.66%
Honours: Bundesliga
GARETH SOUTHGATE
Middlesbrough 2006-2009
P151 W54 D43 Win percentage: 35.76%
England U21 2013-2016
P37 W27 D5 L5 Win percentage: 72.97%
Honours: Toulon tournament
England 2016-2024
P102 W61 D24 L17 Win percentage: 59.8%
Honours: Euros runners up, 2020, 2024