DEAR DEIDRE: FOR the past nine years, I have provided everything my daughter has needed.
But it would be nice to have some financial support so I am considering approaching her dad for some child maintenance.
I’m so torn because he walked away from us soon after she was born.
He didn’t want a third child and said he couldn’t afford it.
He hasn’t made any effort to be a part of her life since and to be honest, while it has been hard financially, at least she isn’t getting messed around by him. I’m 39 and my ex is 42.
He’s a selfish, unreliable man and me and my daughter are better off without him.
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Still, there is so much she misses out on. She’d love to do singing lessons but I just can’t afford it.
Her dad isn’t named on her birth certificate. I didn’t think he deserved to be considering he disappeared so soon after she was born.
As far as I know, my daughter is his youngest and I think that his other children are 16 and 19.
So I think when the 16-year-old turns 18, my daughter would be entitled to 100 per cent maintenance.
If I decide to approach him for payment, then I’m worried he may start demanding to see her and want to be a part of her life just to make trouble.
Can I get money from him, without allowing him visitation rights?
I wouldn’t put it past him to drag me to court.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex is most definitely financially responsible for your daughter, whether he sees her or not.
You can get an idea of what your ex would need to pay in child maintenance by looking at the Child Maintenance Service website (gov.uk/child-maintenance-service).
You can also use the Child Maintenance Service to organise payments, if you don’t want your child’s other parent to know where you live or other personal info.
If your ex started to demand access to your daughter, you wouldn’t have to agree unless a court ruled that he should be allowed to see her.
Any court would always take into consideration what would be the best arrangements for that child.
The fact that your ex hasn’t made any effort to establish a relationship with her in nine years would not go in his favour.