A MAN has returned to the office furious at how much work was left undone by his lazy bastard self from a fortnight ago. 

Data manager Nathan, not his real name, has spent the day cursing the shiftless idiot sat in his desk two weeks earlier who had no consideration for his poor innocent self.

He continued: “I can’t believe how irresponsible that dick was.

“Now if that was me, knowing I had a break coming, I like to think I’d have really got my head down and cleared my desk, done my future self a favour.

“But instead the idle bugger sat about ignoring emails and deadlines, leaving a browser history full of Portuguese golf courses and scuba-diving trips.

“Now I’ll be working until 7pm every night this week ruining all the beneficial effects of a perfectly lovely holiday.”

He added: “And I’ve only got home-made sandwiches for lunch, because that selfish sun-tanned twat from last week blew my wages in beachfront bars.

“Bollocks to it, I’m putting a Nando’s on the credit card. That knobhead in the future can pay.”