A WOMAN has unlocked new efficiencies in her packed weekly schedule by preparing ahead of time a selection of complaints, insults and resentments to fire at her husband.  

Jess, not her real name, a 41-year-old mother-of-one, was struggling to balance the demands of parenting stress, work hell and marital strife until she discovered ‘batch-griping’. 

She said: “I was daydreaming about screaming in my husband’s face for him to help me clean up the kitchen one evening when I realised I was also pissed off that he’d pushed the rubbish down in the bin instead of emptying it, and spent 30 minutes on the toilet instead of helping with bedtime. 

“I realised that by prepping ideas for later I would save time on argument admin during the week. Conflict between us is now easy because I’ve always got a variety of fully thought out axes to grind with him. Some of them go back years, which makes our relationship nit-picking extra methodical.” 

“The only thing I need to figure out now is what I’m going to do with all the spare time I now have during the week. Perhaps I’ll start anticipating all the ways he might piss me off in the future as well.” 

Husband Anthony, not his real name, commented: “Communication is so important in a relationship, even if it’s insane one-sided yelling.”