GIGGLING friends suspect a woman, aged 33 and newly married, is refusing all alcohol because she is in a delicate condition after an epic session.  

Francesca, not her real name, grimaced when offered champagne, gently groaned as toasts to the happy couple were made, and frequently popped to the bathroom, returning grey-faced and unable to eat. 

Bridesmaid Nikki, not her real name, said: “Don’t look now, but she just covertly knocked back an ibuprofen. Dead giveaway. 

“Wearing sunglasses and massaging her forehead? Husband treating her protectively as though she was a precious bloom? Retching a bit during the speeches? Who do you think you’re fooling. 

“She’s playing it like she might be pregnant for the bride’s benefit which is nice, because nobody should upstage on her special day by managing it on four hours’ sleep. This is meant to be about her, not two-for-one cocktails at the Slug & Lettuce.” 

Best man Tom, not his real name, said: “Francesca’s hungover? Didn’t notice. Haven’t seen her. Don’t know where she was last night.”