HOLIDAYS are a time for much-needed rest, relaxation, and escape from work. Here are five pieces of unsolicited toil your boss expects regardless:  

Replying to emails 

Smartphones mean we carry inboxes in our pockets, so you’re never more than a couple of taps away from telling Brenda in procurement that you’re actually away this week and can the incorrectly completed Biro request forms wait? You could set an out-of-office alert, but it wouldn’t make any f**king difference. 

Pioneer radical business-saving strategies 

Not physically being in the office means you’ve got the space and time to come up with innovative business strategies that will turn the company’s ailing fortunes around. Be ready to pitch your ideas to the board on your first day back at 9am like a good team player. 

Take minutes 

Now that bosses have discovered you can work remotely, they’ll think nothing of asking you to sit in on a Zoom meeting from your holiday cottage and take notes on a conversation about restructuring. After all it’s barely even work, and if you don’t then it’s your neck on the chopping block. 

Make them a tea 

To be fair this is your key skill in the office so your absence is being keenly felt. If you don’t take some time out of your week in Weymouth to pop in, stick the kettle on, and serve your boss a brew just how they like it, expect them to piss and moan about it during your next performance review. 

Your full normal workload 

As you step out the office door, your boss swoops in to tell you that Martin’s off sick, Donna’s extended her maternity leave and Pete’s hungover, so if you could do your full normal workload while unwinding in the Lake District that would be great. Regretfully there’s nothing in the budget for overtime.