A SELFISH boyfriend has refused to learn to read his partner’s mind, it has emerged. 

Despite going out for seven years, Nathan, not his real name, is still incapable of anticipating girlfriend Donna, not her real name, unspoken needs using psychic powers. 

Sheridan said: “You know that silent understanding TV couples have where all it takes is a look between them and they know what the other means? 

“Yeah, Nathan can’t do that. 

“The other day my sister was coming over at 6pm for dinner. I beamed that information to Nathan with my eyes, but he was still really surprised and annoyed when she ‘unexpectedly’ turned up.” 

She said: “I do have some mind-reading powers. I instantly get the gist if she gives me a look that says ‘I want to go now’ or ‘You’re not doing that’. 

“The things I can’t do are translate detailed restaurant orders or receive plans for the evening while she’s miles away at work. 

“What Donna needs to realise is that if I could I’d be mega-famous like Derren Brown and not going out with a nobody like her.”