A FATHER who was unable to attract women in his youth is having to advise his son about relationships, it has emerged. 

The situation is the result of Tom, not his real name, wife believing he had girlfriends as a teenager rather than spending his time reading science fiction and masturbating. 

Father-of-two Logan said: “If I base my advice to my son Josh on my own teenage years it would be, ‘Develop a massive crush on the really pretty girl at school, never speak to her and cry for a week when she goes out with one of the cool boys. 

“I assume I’m meant to tell Josh to treat girls with respect and not pressure them to have sex. I certainly never did that because they all used to ignore me or call me ‘Egon Spengler’.” 

“I told him some drivel about ‘not rushing things’. Even that was bollocks because I’d have instantly shagged anyone who seemed agreeable to it.” 

15-year-old Josh Logan said: “I thought my dad was a bit of a dweeb, but it turns out he had loads of girlfriends. It must be because he was such a respected dungeon master.”