A WOMAN is telling an anecdote which appears, to all listeners if not to the speaker, to be about what an arsehole she is.  

Sophie, not her real name, admitted at girls’ drinks she had argued with mutual friend Lucy, not her real name, and all those gathered put on their best sympathy faces only to conclude they were sympathising with the wrong party. 

Cheskie, not her real name, said: “It’s only polite and sisterly to call a good friend a ‘vile, arrogant cow’ in such circumstances, so we were ready. 

“But Sophie explained she’d moved in with Lucy temporarily two months ago, that Lucy was ‘restricting her sexually’ by complaining when she brought blokes back and that she hadn’t meant to sell Lucy’s laptop. And we all realised we’d backed the wrong horse. 

“Still, we had to nod along to her not-remotely-convincing explanation of how it had happened while haunted by visions of random blokes with dangling balls in her flat. You’re meant to decide whose balls are out in your flat. Estate agents should make more of it. 

“Anyway, turns out Lucy is completely in the right and is owed at least three grand not counting rent, all of which we gleaned from an anecdote from which Sophie came out as the queen of all twats while being blissfully unaware.” 

She added: “I made up for my error by calling Lucy and giving her a full rundown. Now my conscience is clean.”