YOUR wife’s inability to walk alongside you without barging into you every few seconds is actually an act of love, according to experts.
Scientists believe the habit, which you had wrongly found intensely irksome and put down to her being ‘some kind of f**king moron’ actually stems from the unconscious desire to be closer to you.
Professor Fob, not his real name, director of the Institute for Studies, says: “This flies in the face of the previous consensus that she lacks the basic motor functions required to walk in a straight line.
“It’s long been an issue that certain girlfriends are incapable of maintaining a heading without swerving into their partner’s path. Men have reported as many collisions as 348 per mile.
“For a while we thought they were like truckers, who constantly stray into your lane because they are incapable of noticing you exist. But actually this endless jostling is an act of affection.
“Now that’s been proven, men will no longer be annoyed at being crashed into constantly by partners who cannot put one foot in front of the other without careering into your path. And if they do they’re bad people, because it’s out of love.”
Jess, not her real name of Bushill added: “And anyway I don’t even do it.”