DEAR DEIDRE: The woman I picked up in my local pub turned out to be trans!
We only kissed, and I had no idea, but now I’m worried this makes me gay.
I’m a 34-year-old single man.
When I went out with a group of friends to the pub last weekend, I couldn’t believe my luck when a gorgeous woman started flirting with me at the bar.
She was tall, with long legs and lovely, long dark hair. It was dark and I was drunk, but I didn’t notice anything masculine about her at all.
At closing time, she came back to mine and we kissed, but we didn’t have sex.
The next day, one of my friends called me to ask me if I knew she used to be a man – and he wasn’t winding me up. His sister knows her through work.
I was really shocked. I don’t have a problem with trans women – I say live and let live – but I am worried that I was so attracted to her.
Shouldn’t I have known?
Does this mean I’m gay or bisexual?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Given that she identifies as a woman, and you saw her and fancied her as a woman, your preferences appear to be heterosexual.
Even if you did know, sexuality isn’t black and white – many believe it’s on a sliding scale. You were attracted to the person she is.
If you want to see her again and get to know her, and have sex, there’s nothing wrong with this.
Neither is there anything wrong if you decide you don’t want to take things further. It doesn’t make you prejudiced.
My support pack about Bisexual Questions might be helpful for you to read.