DEAR DEIDRE: After months of planning my wedding, I discovered that my fiance has been cheating on me with his younger sister’s best friend.
He’s called it all off now but it was going on for months.
It unsettles me that this woman is so close and involved with my family so we’ll never be able to escape from her.
I’m 37, he’s 39 and we’ve been together for nine years. We have two sons who are nine and four.
We had always wanted to get married but when I fell pregnant with our first son it all fell on the back burner.
When he decided to get on one knee, I was taken completely by surprise.
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As soon as I got home, I instantly started planning our big day. I was so happy.
Then one day I caught a glimpse of his phone and saw a sexual message pop up from this woman. I had to know what was going on so I went through his phone.
My heart sank when I saw the truth. Not only were the messages flirty and explicit, it was clear they had slept together.
Showing him, he instantly came clean and promised it would never happen again.
For the sake of our kids I chose to believe him, but every time I see him smiling at his phone I can’t help but fear the worst.
Now I’m unsure if I can even go through with the wedding. How can I marry a man I don’t trust?
DEIDRE SAYS: It is natural to have doubts after a shock like this. The man you love has betrayed you and coming back from that won’t be easy.
You have to decide if you can overcome what he did, and if it’s possible for trust to be rebuilt. The last thing you want to do is marry someone who you’re not sure about.
You need to talk to him about his affair and why he strayed. Explain how much it’s getting you down and be honest about how you feel.
It may be best to consider postponing your wedding until you’re both in a better place.
While you can’t control this woman’s close proximity to your family, the more you build your relationship with your fiance, the more she will fade into the background.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how you can work through this together.
Also, consider counselling for couples. You could arrange this through tavistockrelationships.org.