Three Lions fan King Arthur Pendragon used sorcery to summon up the spirits of the ancients to fire up Gareth Southgate’s Three Lions.
3
3
3
But Just Stop Oil protesters sprayed at least three of the sacred stones with orange powder on Wednesday, hours before Arthur directed the circle’s mystic power to Germany.
The desecration of the 5,000-year-old monument led directly to the awful 1-1 draw with Denmark, he reckoned — and blew our chances to qualify as winners of our Euro 2024 group on Thursday.
White-bearded wise man Arthur — who performed an ancient rite with his followers before kick-off — seethed yesterday: “The protestors disturbed the peaceful majesty of the sacred place.
“They made it more difficult for our powerful thoughts to reach the England team. The orange powder not only defaces the stones but affected their mystic powers — it was heresy!”
England took the lead after 18 minutes with a goal from captain Harry Kane and were on their way to grabbing the 2-0 win which Arthur had predicted.
But stars including Jude Bellingham failed to shine and the Danes equalised minutes later — with England going on to struggle to hold on to the draw in Frankfurt.
Aces including Phil Foden, Trent-Alexander Arnold and Declan Rice also appeared to wilt in one of England’s most woeful performances of Southgate’s reign.
Arthur, 69, added: “The crazy thing is that the protesters were acting against their natural allies as we pagans share concerns about the natural environment.
“We’re livid, but we keep the faith and believe Gareth and the team can recover and win the Euros.
“Once the stones have been cleaned I can re-cast the spell for the Slovenia game — this time without the eco-idiots spoiling it.”
Wiltshire Police arrested and bailed a man in his 70s and woman in her 20s on suspicion of criminal damage and damaging an ancient monument.
The druid king — a former soldier — changed his name from John Timothy Rothwell 37 years ago.
He was convinced he was a reincarnation of the mythical monarch and has been leading the solstice celebrations since the Eighties.
Around 15,000 people greeted the sun with cheers, drumming and chanting as it rose over Stonehenge for the solstice on Thursday.
England’s draw against Denmark was watched by more than 11 million people, up from 10.5 million for their first Euro 2024 match against Serbia.