A FATHER of young children has said what he would really like for Father’s Day is some f**king peace in an empty house.
Dave, not his real name, made the unusual gift request after a week of finishing work and arriving home to children dicking about and crying hysterically over spilt Ribena while his wife blames him for his 90-minute commute.
Father-of-three Dave said: “My ideal present would be for you to f**k off and leave me alone. Not forever. A day, perhaps. Although three weeks would be nice.
“I fantasise about how it would play out. Maybe my wife Emma gets a flat tyre while driving back from the park, and then they all have to camp by the side of the road for a few days. It’s not like the fantasies I used to have about Emma, but if I don’t get some peace I may go mad.
“Obviously I relish our family time – it’s adorable being unable to get to the kettle without impaling my feet on Lego while someone phones me about a purchase order.
“So this Father’s Day, instead of a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug, maybe they can all just piss off and stand in a field or something for 72 hours? That would really prove what a wonderful family I’ve got.”