MIDDLE-AGED women seeing 20-something girls dressed in cargo pants, faux fur gilets and bandanas have confirmed they are delighted by how ugly modern fashions are.
Ladies with names like Claire and Debbie say they are very satisfied to see beautiful, dewy-skinned goddesses cast off their natural advantages in favour of tracksuit bottoms in public.
Susan, not her real name, 49, said: “I doff my cap – or rather, my niece’s hideous denim bucket hat – to whichever evil designers and magazine editors came up with all this. They must be in the pay of the WI.
“It comes to something when you walk past a group of teenagers in a shopping centre who theoretically look fashionable but I, in last year’s M&S Per Una range, am objectively more elegant and stylish.
“We have no fear our husbands’ heads will be turned by lithe nymphets in culottes and oversized T-shirts with bum bags. The trend for crop tops is admittedly still a threat, but on the whole we’re overjoyed.
“Thank you, Urban Outfitters, for all you’ve done to make women with big cotton knickers and sagging tits feel like Sydney Sweeney. Even she would look frumpy in the denim maxi skirt shit coming out of ASOS right now.”
20-year-old fashion student Lucy, not her real name, said: “I don’t care what middle-aged people think anyway. I dress to attract the hot guys with their mullets, pencil moustaches and Crocs.”