A FATHER has been caught up in a nightmarish telephone conversation with his daughter lasting almost five minutes. 

Unsuspecting dad Martin, not his real name, was cornered by daughter Laura, not her real name, who instigated an actual conversation before he had chance to use his customary escape phrase, ‘I’ll get your mum’.

He said: “Laura rang and I expected it would be a question about DIY and a perfunctory ‘How are you?’ to which I always respond, ‘Fine. You?’

“So imagine my horror when she started asking how I really am – whatever that means – and telling me about everything she’s been ‘feeling’ over the past few weeks.

“By the time she told me about her latest argument with her boyfriend and wondering where she was going in life I was feeling faint and the room was spinning. I yelled up the stairs for back-up, but her mother was in the garden and I realised I’d have to face the ordeal alone. 

“At one stage I considered faking a heart attack. Instead I managed a mumbled ‘Oh, how terrible’. Give me one of those scam phone calls any day, at least you can tell them straight out you’re not interested.”

Laura mother said: “I knew Dad would be no help, but it’s fun to screw with him sometimes. I accepted long ago that he has more meaningful conversations with his shed than me.”