A PAIR of men in their 40s fear they may inexorably move from being comfortable acquaintances to full-blown friendship. 

Over the past few years, Martin and Joseph, not their real names, have unwillingly developed a bond due to their shared interests in football and visiting the tip, but have so far resisted any but chance meetings.

Martin said: “I have to admit, I’m getting a bit concerned I’m making an emotional connection here. How am I going to find time for that?

“First we were at nodding terms at the school gates, then we’re talking about whether Preston can get promoted and John Wick 4, then he borrowed my pressure washer and we both realised we were in too deep.

“It’s too much. I genuinely thought I’d made my last friend in year nine. Certainly I haven’t needed any others these last thirty years. What am I meant to do with a new one?”

Joseph agreed: “We’ve already exchanged vague sentiments about going for a pint at some as-yet-undetermined point in the future, so there’s no getting out of it now.

“Just what I bloody need at my time of life. What if someone sees us? How will we explain that?”