I knew I was trans around the time of puberty. I didn’t grow up in a liberal country, so I had to take time to educate about queerness and understand myself. After a couple of years, when I moved to the UK, I came out as transmasculine to my close group of people. Surprisingly, coming out to others, for me, seemed easier than coming out to myself.

Growing up, unfortunately, I did not have many good role models around me who could tell me “how to be a good man”. I remember spending time together with my guy friends, and their perception of masculinity made me want to step back into the closet. It’s not their fault; they simply were following what society has told them about being a man.

I was told by friends to wear fewer colours, to not be emotionally sensitive, to make sure that I viewed masculinity as being a provider and a breadwinner. In short, I was surrounded by toxic masculinity that only served to fuel the patriarchy.

But I never saw myself following their advice, but I felt worried. If I didn’t really like beer, if I wanted to express myself with colourful clothes, if I didn’t subscribe to toxic masculinity; how would I ever pass as a man?

As a trans man or a trans masculine person, it often feels like we have to go the extra mile to prove our masculinity. People have often questioned my gender expression, giving opinions on what is masculine and feminine. But masculinity and femininity are just social constructs.