I put this unnecessary pressure on myself to always know exactly who I was at every given moment, but I don’t think there is a single person on the planet who can really know that. After a lot of reflection, I decided that it really didn’t matter what word I used to describe myself, as long as I was happy. Now, I allow myself to change my labels whenever I like and I don’t offer an explanation to those around me. Want to label yourself? That’s okay. Don’t want to label yourself? That is perfectly fine too, do what is best for you.

However, I’m afforded the privilege of my minor identity crisis happening in private. No one really cares if I identify as bi one day and queer the next, but the same can’t be said for public figures. The constant scrutiny we put on people in the spotlight makes floating between different identities, or changing the language they use, near impossible. I think more people should be open to the idea that, just like everything else in the world, sexualities and identities can change.

As humans, we’re constantly evolving, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that our sexuality evolves with us. We need to let people come out (or not come out) on their own terms, and I hope in the future that we can move towards a culture where we care less about the words someone uses to describe themselves, and just let them exist.

Phoebe volunteers as an ambassador for Just Like Us, the LGBT+ young people’s charity. LGBT+ and aged 18 to 25? Sign up here!