Sun. Dec 22nd, 2024
Occasional Digest - a story for you

A WOMAN has consulted her female friends and relatives so that they can collectively decide wether or not she should dump her boyfriend. 

Lucy, not her real name, summoned them all to a specially created WhatsApp group called ‘Ditch Tom?’ and surveyed their thoughtful responses of ‘Dump him, babe’, ‘You deserve better, hun’ and thumbs up emojis. 

She said: “Some of the initial reactions were a bit random, like inspirational quotes screenshotted from Instagram saying ‘You can only love someone else if you love yourself first’. The type of unhelpful bollocks that I immediately disregarded. 

“Then there were negative reactions, such as ‘You’re 32 now, if you’re not careful you’ll end up a dried up old spinster left on the shelf’. Thanks for that one, Mum. 

“But aside from her, the results were so overwhelmingly in favour that I have no choice but to break up with Tom. I’m not even sure I want to, but the girls have already started drafting a message accusing him of being an ’emotionally toxic selfish prick with a bald spot’ so I guess I’m committed now.” 

Upon receiving the text dumping him, Tom Logan shared it in a WhatsApp group named ‘The Lads’, where he asked his friends to agree with him that Parry was ‘mental’. 

By Kevin Gower

I just want to be a handsome billionaire