A NEW employee is showing real promise to be the strangest and most unsettling being ever to have set foot in an office. 

New starter Max, not his real name, from Up North has only been in role a week and is already amazing the whole floor not with his enthusiasm or business acumen but because of what an outright freak he appears to be.

Sales analyst Carolyn, not her real name, said: “Max went around on the first day but wouldn’t shake anyone’s hand. He bowed and said, ‘that’s how they do it in Japan’.”

“Then, at lunch, he didn’t go out to Pret. He got out four different containers, microwaved them at different heats and shit and ate a fish curry from a plate he washed and returned to his rucksack. He does that with his mug as well.

“In the team briefing he took notes on his phone while humming and when Angela was talking about the Beyonce gig he said ‘I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this woman, is she a mezzo-soprano?’

“Apparently he ‘watched a kabbadi event’ at the weekend. What the f**k? James reckons we should give him a chance, but I sit near him and he smells of ham and Fairy Liquid.”

Max said: “I think I’m going down well so far. I’ve made some funny jokes.”