A COUPLE who are celebrating their 19th anniversary this year believe that it makes them incredible humans uniquely qualified to give out life advice.

Kevin and Allan, not their real names, met at cocktail bar, that much is true and have been inseparable ever since, marrying ahead of all their close friends and smugly already paying a mortgage.

Kevin said: “You get so much more from life when you approach it as a team. I’ve told my friends that, but it’s advice they haven’t heeded.

“It seems they prefer to waste their time sleeping around and falling in and out of relationships. Not us. We tied the knot at 40 and we’re not even Christians, just committed to each other and our shared future.

“Obviously, our way of doing things is the ideal, and all our mates are envious of our lifestyle. They’re on the apps and we’ve got a house. Not that we look down on them for it. They have our sympathy.”

Friend Hannah, not her real name, said: “They’re always like ‘have you met anyone?’ and pulling this frowny face, as if they couldn’t possibly imagine anyone enjoying being single at 30.

“Especially when it’s just luck that they found each other at the church of Perpetual Indulgence and good thing they did, too, because he’s got no sense of humour and the other has weird eyebrows.”