A WOMAN on a first date is maintaining a pretence that eating an entire pizza is far too much for a delicate girl like her. 

34-year-old Lucy. not her real name, is hoping that dinner with Nathan, not his real name, may lead to a long-term relationship which may even see her give birth to a live human, but fears that if she consumes a whole Rustica Meat Sofia feast it will never happen.

She said: “I laid the groundwork by seeming overwhelmed by the very menu. When he suggested pizza I feigned shock.

“I mumbled that I could never manage a whole one, implying I’d tried in the past and it had been an epic journey punctuated by sweats, exhaustion and other diners cheering me on.

“I asked the waiter how big the portions are, as if pizzas aren’t pizza-sized, and when it arrived gave a long, low overawed whistle. Then I took tiny bites and at one point clutched my side as though getting a stitch. I haven’t faked that since year nine PE.”

“Ridiculous considering I can polish off an entire bucket of chicken while still browsing Deliveroo, but necessary. I took the rest of the pizza home. I’m more excited about it than the sex.”

He said: “I finished  her pizza before I left, but I’m sure she won’t mind. She’s cute, but I worry she’s too frail and consumptive for me.”