I’m a 36-year-old man and my wife is 34. We’ve been married for ten years and have two children, aged six and four.
Our relationship is generally good and I love my wife dearly but in all our time together she has never once initiated sex.
She rarely touches me intimately either. I’ve tried numerous times to talk to her about it but nothing ever changes.
When I asked her about the porn she denied all knowledge. I have even suggested that we watch it together as it might help to add a bit of spice to our sex life, but she refuses.
We are not at all adventurous which is partly why finding this out was so unexpected.
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I don’t know how I feel about it but I have had serious thoughts about leaving her. Please help me. What should I do?
DEIDRE SAYS: It might reassure you to know it is relatively common for straight women to enjoy lesbian porn. It doesn’t mean your wife is a lesbian or that she wants to act this out in real life.
It is normal and healthy to explore sexual feelings. It’s all about fantasy and finding out what turns her on.
Talk to her again about how you would love it if she would make the first move sometimes. She may not know how important it is to you. Explain initiating sex makes you feel wanted.
If you explain and make her see that you find it a turn-on, she might be more likely to understand and be receptive.
It could be that she is shy rather than uninterested. My support pack Too Inhibited? explains more.