The reality star and former footballer, 33, welcomed his baby boy, Aliyas Diamond, in January – two years on from the tragic death of his eight-month-old daughter, Azaylia, who had a rare form of cancer.
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However, the star has been hit with backlash in the weeks since, with the mother of Aliyas remaining unidentified, and Azaylia’s mother, Safiyya, admitting to struggling with the new arrival.
Despite their break up, the former couple have dedicated their lives to The Azaylia Foundation – fighting the shortage of doctors and treatments specialised in childhood cancer, while also supporting families requiring treatment abroad.
Taking to Instagram on Saturday night, Ashley opened up about the hellish experience of consistently living with trolls who bombard him with ‘hateful, negative and bitter’ messages every day.
In some disgusting messages, Ashley revealed some had told him to take his own life, and he admitted it left him at times feeling like he ‘couldn’t go on’.
Responding to a message asking him how he deals with the negativity directed towards him, Ashley responded: “The answer is with great difficulty. If I’m gonna be completely honest, I wake up a lot of time and I don’t want to get up.
“I’ll go through a lot of days and think that I can’t continue. I feel more often than not that I can’t do this anymore that’s the honest truth. And to be perfectly honest, you know, no amount of hate no amount of negativity that people throw my way will ever compare to what’s happened to me.”
“Any parent out there will know that your child is the most precious and sacred you will ever see, hold or love in this world and to see them go through such a terrible illness, and to see them lose their life is something that creates that much trauma and that much pain and that was raised, I can’t put it into words,” he continued.
“But I can definitely tell you that something that’s difficult to live with on a day to day basis.”
As his video continued, Ashley said that receiving hate over his newborn son was a “very difficult pill to swallow” – but he was determined to be someone both Aliyas, and Azaylia, could be proud of.
“Now what I care about in this world, and I’ll say it as plain and as clear as this is honouring my daughter’s time here is honouring her legacy is honouring the promises that I made to her on her day and is creating a blessing life for my son who is still here,” he said.
Crediting his family and friends for their support throughout the past three years, he added: “I want to say that what keeps me going is my daughter in the sky. It’s my son here on earth, and the promises that I’ve made to both.”
He also encouraged others who may be struggling with depression, mental health or suicidal thoughts like he’s had to continue fighting back.
“The reality of my life is that at a minute is f**king hard,” Ashley said. “I am struggling. I’m sad. I feel depressed, and it’s hard to do the things that I need to do every single day.
“I’m going to be a person that no matter how hard it gets, I’m going to fight through those feelings. I want to fight through those emotions. I want to fight through that negativity. Because there’s so much good that still needs to be done.”
“To anybody that’s listening. I want you to know that no matter what you’ve gone through, no matter what things have happened to you, no matter how hard you feel at this time is you are strong enough,” he said.
“You are brave enough, and you are loved and needed enough to want to fight through to see another day to want to fight for a brighter future.”
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If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans for free on 116123.
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