Jeff and Agnus Lawler have been married for 68 years and don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, while John Bay married his sweetheart 42 years ago and it’s an occasion he and his wife always marked.
While both members of the Old Boys Club in Wollongong, which meets weekly in a library to play board games and chat, may disagree on the merits of Valentine’s Day, both have similar thoughts when offering dating advice for couples and would-be couples in Cupid’s sights today.
Innocence of the 1950s
Agnus remembers dating Jeff before they were married in the 1950s and said it was difficult.
“My parents were very strict. You had to be so careful … you had to keep your virginity,” Agnus said.
Dating in groups made social activities less stressful and more enjoyable, plus it was a great way to meet people.
“We played tennis, there were about 20 of us and some of us were paired off but totally different to today.”
Agnus feels sorry for people today.
“They have nothing to look forward to, there’s no respect today,” she said.
“We were innocent, totally innocent.
“Even when I was engaged, we had to be home by a certain time, none of us had any money and we had much more fun because we all played sport and went to dances together,” she said.
Jeff says marriage works differently now.
“We’ve had our ups and downs, if you have any downs in marriage now you just say, ‘Oh piss off, I’m getting a divorce’ … well, we worked at it,” Jeff said.
As for Valentine’s Day, this couple don’t celebrate it.
“We wouldn’t give a damn whether it’s Valentine’s Day or Joseph’s Day, we’ve just respected each other for 68 years,” he said.
But planning a noteworthy date, especially for Valentine’s Day was serious business for other men growing up in the late last century; a very different era to today.
Will you go out with me?
John Bay married Iris 42 years ago and says the good manners he learnt from his family paid off when dating women.
“I thought about where to go, always on my best behaviour, trying to do the right thing, opening doors, paying the bill and walking her to the door once she was home,” he said.
Out of respect for each other and their families, the teenagers waited to have sex until they were married.
“Verging on the ridiculous,” he laughed.
John said waiting to have sex was difficult but “it certainly put a lot more value to it”.
His advice for asking women out reflects his patience and courage.
“Don’t be in a hurry, it will come to those that wait.”
When they were dating, Valentine’s Day was a favourite day for John who delighted in dressing up and taking his wife out for a special evening.
“We went somewhere expensive, where you had to get dressed up, it wasn’t just shorts and thongs. I loved it, it made it very special,” he said.
Winning the lottery
Ron Mather was married for 49 years and met his wife Helen playing tennis when he was 18.
“I was making up a mixed comp team and I was quite impressed with her backhand,” he said.
He thought she was a snob but asked her out anyway.
“She thought I was a mug lair, and as usual she was right.”
They drove to the Enmore Theatre in Sydney by car because between meeting Helen and going on a date, Ron won the lottery.
“Suddenly I went out and bought a car, a camera and a block of land … we had a wonderful courtship.
“Meeting Helen was like winning the lottery again,” he said.
At Helen’s mother’s request, they waited until they were 21 to be married.
“We made it!” he laughed.
Helen died six years ago and Ron misses her dearly.
As for dating advice, he says the scene is too different to comment on.
“You can tell from the fact I am running the Old Boys’ group that this is more my speed than trying to give advice to young fellas because their mindset is totally different to what the old fellas have, and the dating scene is so different.
“There was no going away for the weekend and shacking up together, a few kisses in a parked car after the movies was more our speed.”
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