Despite being the holiday season, the Christmas and New Year period often proves to be one the busiest times of the year.
Even those with time off work may find their days filled with travel, shopping, or family events.
But it can also be one of the loneliest and emotionally complicated times of the year for those who can’t or who choose not to be with their families.
Holiday breaks and breaking points
Lee Illfield, from Newcastle, believes the world is struggling with an epidemic of loneliness.
“I think the emotional vibe of this time of year is quite heightened,” she said.
“People’s emotions come to the surface, a lot of history might come up, or needs or wants, or things that they’ve missed out on.”
Lee had to reach her lowest point a few years ago to realise just how important it is to stay connected.
After getting through a marriage break-up, the mother of two didn’t think things could get much worse.
But then she ended up suffering a traumatic eye injury while at the wrong end of a champagne cork.
“My life changed instantly,” she said.
“I was rushed to the hospital and after that, I had to come home and lie on the couch for six weeks.
“I couldn’t do anything. I lost all of my independence. I literally stopped.”
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Friends, family, and the future
It was during this time that Lee’s community came through for her: cooking, cleaning, helping with the kids, or just spending time with her.
Ending up with a permanent vision impairment literally gave her a whole new perspective on life.
“I wouldn’t be here without that beautiful community,” she said.
“They would come and they would offer their love without me asking.
“And I will never be able to repay those people individually with what they gave me, but I will pass it on.”
True to her word, Lee started a community picnic club in Newcastle, helping strangers become friends.
Its most recent event took place on Christmas Day, when Lee’s kids were spending the afternoon with their father.
She sounded out other members of the group for an orphan’s Christmas celebration.
“There’s going to be other people out there that don’t have someone to spend Christmas with, so why don’t we all spend it together?” she said.
“You know, it’s the family that we choose.”
Making new traditions
There’s an abstract kind of togetherness between all those experiencing loneliness during the holiday season.
Over in Melbourne, Brodie hasn’t spent the holidays with his immediate family for nearly 20 years.
When the 35-year-old bisexual man came out to his parents as a teenager, he was told to pack his bags and leave the family home in country South Australia.
“They were pretty much not interested in knowing me anymore,” Brodie said.
“Pretty much since then, I just haven’t spoken to my parents.
“I’ve reached out, we’ve tried to make amends, but we’re just at a point where, we don’t really have anything to talk about.”
It was Brodie’s grandparents in Adelaide who welcomed him with open arms, and who he now spends time with during the holidays.
But having some extended family to be around doesn’t stop the complicated feelings around Christmas and the New Year.
Moreover, falling victim to Australia’s eighth COVID-19 wave also meant Brodie couldn’t see his grandparents when he was back in Adelaide this year.
“At the time, other friends were also having quite bad, or quite drama-filled holidays,” he said.
“Some of them just had so much anxiety about seeing their family that they didn’t go.
“Others did go and see their family, but there was so much drama that they came back to Melbourne.”
So the friends had an orphan’s Christmas celebration of their own.
For some, it meant putting all the anxiety of recent days behind them, while for others it meant being with their chosen family.
“I do try and surround myself with chosen family, people who I think make my life better,” Brodie said.
“There’s no point spending a week having all this anxiety over a single day, or sometimes even a single meal.
“If you put yourself first, you can actually really enjoy this time of the year.”
A warm and fuzzy feeling
Amid all the trials, tribulations, and travel going on around him, something happened which stopped Brodie in his tracks.
He received a letter in the mail from his friend Brian in the UK.
“It was just something that really pulled me out of the situation that I was in,” he said.
“You might get a quick text from someone, or you might get a social media message and that’s great.
“But I’ve got this great friend overseas who has stopped his life, he has sat down, and he has spent the time to write me this letter.”
Brian couldn’t have predicted that his small but significant act of kindness would inspire two of Brodie’s new year’s resolutions.
In 2024, Brodie said, he would focus more on his friends, and get to know them more intimately throughout the year.
Additionally, he hopes to bring strangers together for the next holiday season by starting a letter-writing exchange with people all over the world.
In just a few days, nearly 100 people have signed up to the exchange and will receive an old-fashioned letter in the post next December.
“Hopefully that might create a new way of keeping people in touch,” he said.
“It really did make me feel nice when I received this mail from Brian.
“It’s that warm and fuzzy feeling, that someone actually cares so much that they’re going to do that.”
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