THE man-bun is now the most popular hairstyle choice for desperate men who are fighting a losing battle with baldness.
After several decades of unconvincingly sweeping their remaining hair over the shiny, naked patch of scalp, men have realised that tying it in a wanky little bun on the top of their head provides much better camouflage.
Jack, 35, not his real name, said: “I honestly thought I was going to escape male pattern baldness, despite the fact that my older brother, dad and grandad have all succumbed.
“But then I hit 30 and it started to go, and here I am with a hairless spot that is now big enough for my girlfriend to comment on while I am attempting to perform cunnilingus on her.
“Giving in and shaving my hair off will make me feel emasculated, so instead I’m going to grow my remaining hair into a thin, straggly mop, buy some elastics from Claire’s and watch a few YouTube videos about up-dos. That’s the manly approach.”
His girlfriend Lucy, not her real name said: “I was already thinking about dumping him for being shit in bed, but this pathetic little man-bun has really sealed the deal.”