I’ve never been invited to his flat and each time I mention meeting his family he always has an excuse.

He says he had a bad experience in the past where he introduced a girlfriend too soon and it all went wrong but we’ve been together for three years, surely that is long enough.

Some marriages don’t even last that long.

I am 39 and my partner is 41.

I feel as though I am not good enough to be seen with him.

We don’t do anything together, never go out in public and he only ever comes to my flat for a couple of hours. He says he loves me but I feel used.

All I want is for him to be open about us so we can live one life together. I don’t know what to do any more.

I spend hours wondering whether I’m too ugly, too fat, not clever enough. He won’t admit to anything but I clearly don’t come up to his family’s expectations.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your relationship with your partner is all on his terms. He barely spends time with you and hasn’t told anyone about you.

He’s offering you nothing at all so it’s hardly surprising you are losing patience.

After three years together, it is unlikely that anything will change.

Tell him you’re considering ending your relationship if he continues to refuse to tell his family about you.

It’s a sign he doesn’t want the same things that you do, and you should walk away. 

This is not about what is wrong with you, more that he isn’t capable of commitment.