DO you fancy having several drinks this evening and need an excuse even if you know it’s bollocks? Try these flimsy but effective justifications.   

Someone on Facebook had a glass of wine 

A completely rock-solid reason to have a drink. If you become an alcoholic it’s clearly the fault of social media. Or the government. Or whoever invented computers. But definitely not you. 

You put wine in the meal you’re cooking so the bottle’s open now 

Just neglect to mention you have spaghetti bolognese six times a week so you can add a tiny splash of red wine and drink the rest of the bottle. 

A news story saying alcohol is good for you 

Every couple of months a news story claims alcohol is good for you, so get stuck in. Ignore the fact that it usually refers to a small glass of red wine, not the 10 cans of Stella or bottle of gin you’re planning. 

You may also see news stories saying alcohol is bad for you, in which case also get pissed to show you won’t be bullied by the nanny state. 

You partner is having a drink 

This may sound as though you are simply giving in to temptation, but actually you’re helping to cement your relationship. If you got divorced it would be awful, so actually you’re drinking all that Merlot out of love for your kids. 

There is half a bottle of wine in the fridge that ‘needs’ drinking 

Everyone agrees unfinished wine ‘needs’ to be drunk so it must be true. Undrunk wine will probably become dangerously unstable and explode, or grow deadly bacteria that wipes out mankind. Do the right thing and get pissed. 

You had a shit day/You had a great day 

Alcohol is a great way to de-stress after a hard day or celebrate a really good day. It is also fine to drink on an uneventful day because the last thing anyone wants is a sense of ennui.