A MAN who has been explicitly told he is dumped is still managing to read mixed messages into the situation, it has emerged. 

James, not his real name, was told by Lucy, not her real name, in no uncertain terms that their relationship was over, there was no chance of recovering it, and they should both move on, yet he is still picking up a hint of subtext. 

He said: “Sure, Lucy’s moved out, taken all her things with her and blocked me on social media. But methinks the lady doth protest too much. 

“By saying she no longer loves me, does that really mean she loves me more than ever? Women are complicated creatures like that so maybe she’s trying to bamboozle me with some reverse psychology. 

“Dumping me must be part of the chase that all women love. She’s clearly trying to recreate the giddy early days of our relationship when I would vie for her attention by messaging ‘hi’ on Tinder. It couldn’t be more obvious. 

“Apparently she’s already been seen with another bloke, which is a signal that she misses me and wants us to give things another go. I’d better text her when I’m drunk to seal the deal.” 

Parry said: “Silly me, I should have told James I wanted to get married and have kids. That would’ve got him to f**k off sharpish.”