I never expected to leave the cinema relating to Ryan Gosling’s Ken on such a deeply profound level, with my experience as a trans man feeling validated.

Barbie reflected an experience that, for a while, I thought I had been alone in going through, and which began shortly after I acknowledged to myself that I am a trans man. The first sign was my sudden yet intense insecurity about my height. I had previously identified as non-binary and had presented more feminine, and back then I was never bothered by this aspect of my appearance. However, newly out as a trans man and single for the first time in a few years, the prospect of dating women as a very short man seemed almost humiliating to comprehend.

The second sign was my newfound tendency to hold myself back from appearing too “bubbly”, not only in person but also online, by flatlining my voice that usually bounces all over the place in pitch, starting messages with ‘Hey’ instead of my usual ‘Hiya’, and cutting myself short before I called one of my friends ‘babe’. I was stuck in this particularly harmful mindset, and I figured that people would only view me as a man if I appeared more serious, less emotional, more stoic.

Essentially, in a desperate attempt to pass, I began relying on toxic masculinity. It certainly wasn’t a conscious choice to behave this way, but as soon as I realised what I was doing, I was horrified. I was frustrated, not only at myself for trying to change into something I am not, but also at society for making me feel like I needed to do this in the first place.

However, when I finally had the chance to speak to other trans-masc folks, I realised I was not alone.

As I understand it, changing our behaviour in this way is simply an attempt to feel validated in our identities in a society where external acceptance is pretty hard to come by. Therefore, we must rely on the most available narrative of masculinity presented to us, which is that of an unemotional, egotistical, straight man who doesn’t smile, makes jokes about women being “difficult”, and hides any characteristic or behaviour that is typically perceived as “girly”.

If you are wondering how on earth this experience relates to a fun-loving blockbuster about children’s toys, let me talk about Ken’s character arc for a minute.