A COUPLE returned from holiday to discover their house smells weird, it has emerged. 
 

Anthony and Jess, not their real name, returned from a blissful fortnight in Florida to the shocking discovery that their house smelled like a strangers’ house. 

Ant said: “At first I thought the fridge had broken and decomposed lettuce juice leaked out. The stink is somewhere between rotting spring vegetables and, weirdly, TCP, which neither of us uses. 

“But now I’m starting to think that our house always smelled  weird, like other people’s houses do, but we were used to it. 

“The thought of guests mocking our house for its weird smell is almost too much to bear. I bet they mentioned Febreeze and feminine hygiene.” 

Jess said: “I thought there was something dead under the floor but I believe it may be our combined ‘people’ smell plus the weird aroma of warm carpet. 

“It’s like a hospital crossed with sweaty balls. Is that the smell of humanity?”