Whether it be homophobic, transphobic, biphobic, lesphobic or queerphobic, we want to unpack just what internalised queerphobia can look like, how you can spot it in yourselves and other people, and what it looks like to overcome the legacy of shame that is so often not our fault in the first place.
What does it mean to have an ‘internalised’ queerphobia?
As a society, prejudicial and phobic language or actions towards the LGBTQ+ community are often delivered in a subversive and blanket manner, meaning that as young people we are raised in a society that doesn’t always showcase LGBTQ+ lives as being free, joyous, or even an option. In schools, the workplace, TV and film, across our news and even across social media, heterosexism thrives.
Heterosexism is a system of attitudes, bias, and discrimination in favour of female–male sexuality and relationships, based upon the belief that heterosexuality is the only normal and natural expression of sexuality.
Over time, this can become an internalised belief that sits within us, emanating from ourselves. The lack of positive representation and often negative depictions of LGBTQ+ life can create a correlation with queerness as being ‘bad’, ‘weak’ or even ‘punishable’.
Internalised queerphobia is when we feel this way within ourselves, even if we are LGBTQ+. It’s the after effects of living within a queerphobic home environment, or friend group, or just as an LGBTQ+ person existing in wider society. This can manifest within ourselves as shame – leading to behaviours that feed off shame, such as having a negative self-image and bullying as well as being linked to addiction and self-harm.
What is the impact of internalised queerphobia?
It’s important to acknowledge that internalised views that are LGBTQ-phobic impact ourselves as well as having an impact on those around us, both physically and mentally. As Just Like Us Ambassador Millie shared with GAY TIMES, it can manifest itself in traits such as perfectionism.
“I always felt like I had to work harder at my studies, be fitter and achieve more than straight people to ‘make up’ for my deviation from this societal norm. Subconsciously, I believed that if I got good grades, was smart, social, and physically fit enough, this would ‘compensate’ for my gayness. Looking back, I realise I put pressure on myself to overachieve because I felt like being gay was a failure in society’s eyes.”
If we see ourselves with disregard, or if we have a very low sense of self-worth or self-esteem then the way that we interact with the world isn’t always going to come from a place of love and protection.
According to The Rainbow Project, an LGBTQ+ charity helping to improve the physical, mental and emotional health of LGBTQ+ people in Northern Ireland, internalised homophobia, biphobia or lesphobia can manifest itself in ways impacting mental health. These include:
- Engaging in obsessive thinking and/or compulsive behaviours
- Shame or depression; defensiveness; anger or bitterness
- Unsafe sexual practices and other destructive risk-taking behaviours-including risk for HIV and other STIs
- Separating sex and love, or fear of intimacy; sometimes low or lack of sexual drive or celibacy
- Contempt for those that are not like ourselves or contempt for those who seem like ourselves; sometimes distancing by engaging in homophobic behaviours – ridicule, harassment, verbal or physical attacks on other LGBTQ+ people
- Substance abuse, including drink and drugs
- Becoming psychologically abused or abusive or remaining in an abusive relationship
In more serious cases, internalised queerphobia has been linked to Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) according to the Human Rights Campaign. With a low sense of self-worth, many LGBTQ+ people can become accustomed to the violence that they may face in relationships, feeling like they deserve it or that it is ‘punishment’ for their sexual or gender identity.
The Crown Prosecution Service in the UK has also identified internalised homophobia, biphobia and transphobia as important evidential considerations to be made during cases of sexual or domestic violence.
In new guidance that was published in 2021 aiming to demystify myths and stereotypes that existed surrounding same-sex sexual violence, internalised homophobia/biphobia and/or transphobia is listed as a piece of information that should be taken into account.
In the case of sexual violence involving trans people, the guidance states:
“Trans people rarely report sexual (or any other) violence for a number of reasons, including: internalised transphobia leaving people with low self-esteem and a sense that they do not deserve better; fear of not being believed or not being taken seriously; mistrust of the criminal justice system; fear of encountering transphobia from criminal justice agencies; fear of being outed.”