A WOMAN whose partner is looking forward to a day off has helped him maximise the time by drawing up a list of jobs he needs to do. 

Jess, not her real name, thoughtfully created a comprehensive timetable of mundane chores for Anthony, not his real name, to save him having to remember them all himself. 

She said “He’s cutting the lawn at 9.15am, washing the windows at 10, and vacuuming the car before lunch, which he’ll need to make for himself as I’m off out with my friends. It is a bank holiday, after all. 

“He may as well batch cook enough for dinner all week while he’s at it. But I’ve scheduled in one can of beer at 1pm, I’m not a total slave driver.” 

Anthony said: “I was going to have a lie in until lunchtime then go to the pub, so this is a right pain in the arse. 

“I’ll do my usual: half-arse the lawn and windows, and physically pick up the biggest bits of crap from the car so I don’t have to drag the bloody hoover outside. 

“Then I’ll eat four bags of crisps for lunch and sack off making dinner by surprising Jess with a meal out later. She’ll be so impressed by this out-of-character romantic gesture she won’t notice the house is still a shit tip and I’ll hide in my shed”